Thanks for my birthday wishes. I have been dreading this birthday since the loss of my Dad, Glyn on this day last year.

In the midst of grief, I thought; ‘You’re going to feel awful come your birthday.’ And I do. What I wasn’t expecting was the grey hill of mounting anticipation, the waking in the night from dreams in which my parents are still alive – boringly, and dependably still there.

I know lots of you have lost both parents and it really is like being set adrift. You are no one’s baby anymore, despite having loves, a brilliant life and babies of your own.

There is a profound sense of loss that is with me all the time now. It’s no better and less bad than the terrible things that other people have to deal with, but this feeling just is.

Ruby tells me to imagine puppies dancing with piglets when she sees my eyes start to wander… so that’s what I will do! On we go x

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